Because sometimes I feel that way too.

Perspective: The Invisible Woman-by Nicole Johnson

It started to happen gradually. One day I was walking my son Jake to school.
I was holding his hand and we were about to cross the street when the crossing guard said to him, 'Who is that with you, young fella?' 'Nobody,' he shrugged. Nobody? The crossing guard and I laughed. My son is only 5, but as we crossed the street I thought, 'Oh my goodness, nobody?'
I would walk into a room and no one would notice. I would say something to my family - like 'Turn the TV down, please' - and nothing would happen. Nobody would get up, or even make a move for the remote. I would stand there for a minute, and then I would say again, a little louder, 'Would some one turn the TV down?' Nothing.

Just the other night my husband and I were out at a party. We'd been there for about three hours and I was ready to leave. I noticed he was talking to a friend from work. So I walked over, and when there was a break in the conversation, I whispered, 'I'm ready to go when you are.' He just kept right on talking. That's when I started to put all the pieces together. I don't think he can see me. I don't think anyone can see me. I'm invisible.

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'

Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.

I'm invisible.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:
* No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.
* These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.
* They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.
* The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong stubborn pride.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'You're gonna love it there.'As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Didn't I tell you it would be a bad day?

So my lovely friend Staci offered to come help jump my car so I could take it in. She gets here, the car won't start. Obviously a bigger problem then the battery. After we spend $90.00 on a new one. FIRST UG.

So, being the amazingly sweet and helpful person she is, lends me her car so I can go get groceries and we don't starve. I drive to the grocery store as a storm hits and getting the kids from the minivan into the store felt like trekking through the arctic in the middle of a storm. I don't think Syd took one full breath the entire time and my hair was plastered, soaking wet, to the side of my head by the time we got in. SECOND UG.

Get all the groceries, get up to the check-out and wouldn't you know I left my wallet in my camera bag AT HOME. Get the kids back into the car (they almost passed out for lack of breath from the FREEZING WIND AND SNOW BLOWING IN THEIR FACES. THIRD UG.

A drive that is normally five minutes takes twenty because of the road conditions (and because I am trying really hard not to crash Staci's car), signs of cars skidding off the road left and right. Get home, get wallet, go back to store, illegally leave kids in the minivan so they don't freeze and suffocate at the same time. Soak hair and clothes. Back on the road take a detour because a telephone pole FELL ON A TRUCK. Finally home. *Sigh of relief*.

Stuck inside with the kids for the next week? SOMEBODY SHOOT ME!

It's going to be a doozy.

My weekend:

Blake still sick.
Blake split lip.
Car won't start after our visit to instacare. Battery Dead.

Dave fixes car on Sunday because he leaves at 4:30 AM for California for a week on Monday. Liz goes to start car on Monday morning to take Blake to school - car is dead. Nothing.

Need milk, cereal, toilet paper, to go to the post office, drive Blake to school, pickup prints for a shoot I need to mail. NO CAR.

Did I mention Dave doesn't get back until Thursday?

Blake-iccaso #2

Mum and Dad, this one is for you. Blake handed this picture to me this morning. See how much he thinks about you? Time for a visit!

Days in Pictures.

We came home from our date, she was in bed dead asleep like this. Guess all that reading tired her ou!





Syd in the tub.



Blake keeping her company. One sock on, one sock off.





Chocolately goodness...



turn into...



HOMEMADE OREOS!YUMMMMMM



Playing in the late afternoon.

Completely Random Thoughts

Date night tonight with Dave. Dave's sister Krissy graciously offered to come and play with the kids tonight so we could go out. I think we are going to catch an early movie and some dessert.

In other news, the site that I did the product shoot for is up and running, www.babybamcollection.com or just click HERE to see it. The sleepers and towels are SOOOO soft and I have been using the Bliss Balm on my horribly dry, cracking winter hands and I love it! (perks that came with the job!).

Is anyone else incapable of using a forearms length of floss to floss? Seriously, I have tried so many times and I always end up using two whole arms lengths of floss. Maybe it is because my teeth are so close together that I have to see-saw it back and forth until it is in shreds just to get it where it needs to go, and then practically take a tooth out trying to pull it back out! I work up a sweat just flossing every day - who needs workout videos?

Ok, I still need those too. In fact, I ordered the New York City Ballet workout videos. I am hoping they come today. Methinks seeing all those dancers (I kind of use to be one you know?) in their amazing shape will be motivating. I will let you know how it goes.

And now for that cranberry salsa recipe. TO DIE FOR. Sorry this has been so long coming. I kind of forgot.

Cranberry Salsa Dip w/ Cream Cheese

1 (12 oz) bag or 3c. fresh cranberries, rinsed and drained
1/4 c. minced green onions
2 small (appx. 2 T.) jalapeno peppers, cored, seeded, rinsed and minced
1/2 c. sugar
1/4 c. fresh cilantro leaves, minced
2 T. finely grated fresh ginger
2 T. fresh lemon juice
2 (8 oz.) packages of cream cheese
cranberries &/or cilantro sprigs for garnish

-Rinse & drain cranberries, (discarding all that are soft or bruised). Place them in a food processor; pulse until finely chopped but not mushy.

-Place crushed cranberries in bowl, mix w/ onions, peppers, sugar, cilantro, ginger & lemon juice. Cover w/ plastic wrap & refridgerate 4 hours.

- Cover brick of room temp cream cheese w/ salsa and serve with crackers or tortilla chips.

I like tortilla chips. Trust me, this recipe is worth the effort.


This morning I spent some time making fake microphones out of toilet paper rolls, tape, tinfoil, lightbulbs and plastic baggies. Before that, Blake had been using my turkey baster and Sydney was fighting for it.

The kids have been singing their heads off all morning. Proof positive that we have the most fun in our pajamas.

This is their rendition of "Boo Boo Choo-Choo" from Thomas the Tank Engine. Notice Blakes microphone stand is his play vaccuum? That kid kills me with his creativity!

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Sydney Singing in the Mirror

I know this is long, but the best part is towards the end.

You might recognize...

"Fare thee well, Fare thee well, Fare thee well my fairy Fae, for I'm going to Louisiana for to see my Suzy-anna singing Polly-Wolly-Doodle-all the day!"

and "Somewhere Out There" from an American Tale. Notice the eyes and facial expressions. And don't mind me. It was early. I am not a cute morning person.

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Another funny clip

Okay, now here is a clip that will make you wish (a tiny bit) that you had twins. If you are having trouble seeing it, just click on the space below a couple times.

Oh, and if you ever need cheering up, go to YOUTUBE and type in laughing babies. I guarantee you watch a couple of those clips and you will be smiling at least.

More Old Stuff

I just found this that I made quite awhile ago after I had my bridal negatives transfered to CD (which was wayyy too expensive). The funny part is, I remember being so upset after seeing these for the first time because I thought I looked fat.

Oh man, if only I had known!

Create a custom photobook at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Just Because...

I found my old digital point & shoot yesterday. There were a couple of cute video clips on it I thought I'd share.

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Blake-icasso

These two little guys that Blake drew were so cute I just had to share.



He said that the one with the little head is a baby and the mommy is upset because her baby's head is upside down. LOL!!!

Some more wonderful old photographs.

This is one of our family's favorite photos of my Grandma Alice. Now, if she had taken this photo just a few years later, she would probably be wearing a leopard print suit with earrings the size of CD's. I had to fix the color on this one since it had faded quite a bit. It is amazing what I can do with an old photo and photoshop!



Now for my fathers side of the family. This is my Nonny, Rosemarie (who part of my middle name comes from; Marie), and my Grandfather, (from left to right), my Aunt Julie, My Uncle Mike and My Dad. My mom thinks my dad looks like a little frog baby in this photo and I must say I agree! (A darling little frog baby though).



Now this is one of my all time favorites. The bonnet, the dress, the expression. I can't get over the sweetness. I think it gives me a cavity every time I look at it. I believe this photo is of my Aunt Chris (Dad correct me if I am wrong), the youngest of my father's sisters.



Well, that concludes my show 'n' tell for now. Now if anyone can tell me how to get that line off!

And the word of the day is...

WOO-Ni-CON

Translation: Unicorn.

The cutest word that Sydney has ever said.

Generations

I have been thinking a lot about family lately. Part of the reason is that my mum sent me these old photographs around Christmas. I have been wanting to preserve them on CD and get a few prints to hang around my home. I have always loved old photographs.

My great Uncle Fred was a photographer. A pretty good one for his time I think. His old house was (and partially is) filled with boxes and boxes of old photographs and photographic equipment. I remember I went over as a child to help my great aunt clean some of it out. We ripped up old photographs (OH THE HORROR! I CAN'T BEAR TO THINK OF IT NOW!) to throw away, and I remember looking at each one, wondering what that persons life was like, what their story was, their history. The women were all so feminine and glamorous, the men so dashing and serious looking. I wish I had all of those pictures now.

Luckily, because of Fred, we have some really precious history preserved.

This is my Grandma Alice. Sydney's middle name is Alice, after her. I think she was quite a beauty and glamour girl of her time. I changed this photo (originally sepia) to black and white.



This is Alice and my Grandpa Don on their wedding day. She Irish, he Ukrainian. This is in its original color, I just upped the contrast a bit.



This is Alice holding her first child, my Uncle, Gary. I absolutely ADORE these hand tinted photos. I can't imagine the time it must have taken to hand color these.



This is my great Grandma Elizabeth. I am named for her. She was my mothers absolute best friend. In fact, they shared a SINGLE bed for much of my mom's life at home.



I had to post this in goldenrod conversion. I just think it is beautiful and I am ordering this one for sure. I am hoping that line down the middle won't transfer to the print though. It seems to appear with some photos that I scan in but doesn't always show when I am working on these in photoshop?



And here is a photo of Elizabeth with my Mum and Uncle. I love the clothing that children wore back then. If anyone wants to make a ton of money on children's clothing, I think you would only need to start producing these kinds of things again. I had to lighten the faces a little so you could see them.



What an amazing thing to have these! And I am so glad that I can preserve them for years and years to come. Perhaps one day someone will look at my photos and cherish them just as much.

More from my Dad's side later!

Gratitude

I learned something today that has really had me in deep thought. Just thought I would share a little bit and maybe I can think about something else! There was a point in my life when I was younger, when I was making very different life decisions. I am so grateful that I was blessed with the vision to see where I was heading, what my life would be missing if I continued with those trains of thought and behavior.

I remember at one point when I was really struggling with my beliefs. I was upset and crying, talking with my wise and ever comforting father, telling him I just wasn't sure if I believed, and if it wasn't all true, it would be all for naught.

His response was immensely comforting.

It was something along the lines of: "Let say for a minute that it isn't all true. Lets say that you die and find out it wasn't all the way you believed, could you really have lived your life any better?"

It was just what I needed at that time.

He wasn't telling me why he believed (because he certainly "knew" when he said that), or why I should have, he was saying that what I had been taught my whole life, would help me be happy, and kind, and grateful, and trying to ever improve. It would teach me to love family, all my neighbors, to always forgive and live not consumed by anger or bitterness, to serve others, to see the bigger picture, to be a better mother and wife, daughter and friend. To keep my body healthy. To be unselfish and loving. And it has. Mind you, I know I have a LOT to work on. But now that I KNOW for myself (and not because I was brainwashed despite what some would think), it has brought me peace and hope and happiness. And one day I hope, If I keep trying, it will bring me something greater.

Largely because of a gentle father's quiet response.

I wish I could give that to everyone. I will certainly try. If only everyone were so lucky to have such a wonderful father (and mummy too.)

New Years

We had a fun New Years celebration with Dave's family at his sister Heather's house. It is our little family's tradition that we have a ton of great food, maybe a game, maybe a movie, let the kids stay up and celebrate together. This year involved a little more "Guitar Hero" than other games but it was a lot of fun. I made and brought a ton of food:

Deviled Eggs
Bacon & Tomato Cups
Cranberry Salsa (which I am polishing off as we speak)
Butterscotch Krispies
Bacon Wrapped Smokies

The Cranberry salsa is to DIE for. The Bacon and Tomato cups were a first and certainly won't be a last, I heart peanut butter and chocolate so the Krispies are a yearly favorite and the Bacon Wrapped Smokies involve brown sugar... 'nuff said. I will post whichever recipe I get the most requests for.

I did spend most of the day preparing and cooking and talking to myself but it was fun and not stressful.

What a year this has been! So many changes. Here is a recap:

I started a job with a company in Provo working from home
My grandfather passed away.
I started my own photography business
Dave graduated (finally)
Blake turned 4 and started preschool
Syd got potty trained
Dave got a great job with Spillman
We bought and move into our first real 'House' (I am not counting the townhouse).
My business took off

One of the most stressful years I have seen yet. I am sure I am forgetting a lot of important things but those are the biggies.

I have a lot of goals for this year.

-Go to bed and wake up earlier.
-Work less/Stress less.
-Be a better/ more hands on mom.
-??? This is the mystery one that I am not sharing. And NO it isn't having a baby (RACHEL!).
-Try to eat healthier/cook healthier and realize that food is fuel more than it is DELICIOUS.
-Spend more time with good friends.
-Pray more, read my scriptures more, develop more of a personal relationship with my Savior.
-Serve more.
-Take a real family vacation (even if it is only camping).

I think that the whole tradition of a new year, new goals/resolutions is important for me. I get so down after the build up to Christmas that this allows me to focus on moving ahead, bettering myself, and being more positive - Something I definitely need to work on.

I did my first product shoot for a website. I think that it went really well and was proud of the end results. I will post some of them once the site is up and running (don't want to steal the thunder).

Sydney told me to "shut-up" earlier today... that was definitely learned from movies. They always say "MOM! So and so (character on a movie) told so and so to SHUT UP!", to which I reply "yes, but we don't use those words in our family do we?".
Well Sydney used them today. I don't think she will again since she got the message that I was NOT happy with her. Although I must admit, it was a little funny. Just a little. And no, I didn't laugh.

While Syd is telling me to shut-up, Blake is telling me (at the grocery store the other day) "Mom, do you know that I choosed you to be my mom from Heaven? (pause) I think I choosed you because you are beautiful". Heart melts here.